The Longest Journey Begins…

Since this type of thing seems to be growing and spreading in our society, we should all take a few minutes to analyze just why this may be so. How do we combat something like this? What is the root cause?

Well, the root cause is lack of natural affection during childhood and adolescence. It really is this simple, people. Combine this with the excessive sexual pressures we subject our adolescents to in the public school system by not adequately supervising them at such a crucial stage in their personal development and you have a great and efficient recipe for social disaster.

All of this traces back to the lack of nurturing.(http://wp.me/p1BaiG-5m) Nowadays, it is the accepted procedure for mothers to deliver in the hospitals and send their newborns almost directly into daycare because Mom has to get back to her real job. There is absolutely no attempt made at nurturing, no personal family bonds are being created. This is very, very bad.

As I have said before, emotional fulfillment is the most important aspect of sentient life and the basis for it is found in our birth families. If they fail to nurture us sufficiently in this respect, we are set up for failure in the rest of our life relationships. Recognizing this early lack can be a great help in processing the way we react to others in our adult lives and in clarifying our relationship choices. Let us consider a few basic facts of emotional life for humans.

1. The expression of natural affection from parent to child(not vice versa) is the blueprint upon which all of us map the course of our life relationships. This is how we learn to show caring and affection and consideration for others, regardless of gender. It is the only relationship we know that does not have an element of sexuality in it. It is not supposed to and if it does, in the form of molestation, it is the worst horror our society knows.

2. We all bond more closely with members of our own sex. This is a perfectly natural thing. Men and women process information in different ways and we are all more socially comfortable with people who think the way we do. We have more in common with members of our own gender on a day-to-day basis, therefore we seek them first when looking for a stable and fulfilling social environment.

3. The lack of natural, affectionate nurturing in childhood leaves us vulnerable (extremely) as we mature into our respective versions of adult sexuality. Physical intimacy becomes a substitute for this first and most important relationship in our lives and since the substitution has no real validity, the sexual relationship fails the minute the “new” wears off.

Sex is a wonderful and important thing to most of us. In an adult relationship, we allow ourselves to be vulnerable, trusting that the other person will not betray us, or desert us, or fail to consider our personal needs along with or sometimes even ahead of their own. Because you see, that is what our parents were supposed to do for us and mostly, did not. And that is what most of us are now seeking in an adult, sexual relationship. So. Is this expectation valid?

My opinion? Yes, the expectation is valid. The sense of protection and care we receive from our parents is the pattern on which we base the relationships of our adult life—all of them. This is the way it is supposed to be. There is no sexual orientation to this pattern, also the way it is supposed to be. The sexuality comes later, in adolescence and adulthood. Again, the way it is supposed to. We have raised up several generations of children who have no sense of their sexual orientation because they are all stuck in this childhood mode since it was never supplied to them when it was most needed. When they enter adolescence they combine the two, which is neither surprising or acceptable, either one.

The problem comes from our inherited emotional poverty. After the new wears off of a relationship we have two emotionally deprived people who sit there and wait for the other guy to step up and be the grown up. This is so very seldom the case. And after x number of failed relationships, many people begin to look at other options for that sense of emotional fulfillment that has been lacking in their lives heretofore. For this, they fall back on the premise I listed above as emotional fact of life #2. We all bond more closely with members of our own gender. This particular process is especially seen in women. I have noticed that many women turn “gay” in their thirties and forties after failed marriages and several children.

3. The lack of emotional fulfillment in childhood increases the sense of sexual need in the adolescent. This is especially true for young men. Their entrance into puberty is exclusively sexual, rampant, and since it is not being covered in our society by any type of adult amelioration, particularly emotionally shredding for them.

During adolescence we are looking about us and finding our place in this world, both as citizens and as sexual adults. Given the total lack of nurturing and natural affection we are starting our children out in life with, it is not surprising to me that so many of them are combining their emergent adolescent sexuality with their more important need for social integration and acceptance and supposing themselves to be “naturally gay” or “born that way” simply because American society totally ignores their basic emotional needs from birth. We are sacrificing our young on the altar of the Great God of Education and ignoring their most human needs.

After these poor, parentless people have turned to a sexual relationship with a member of their own gender in an attempt to supply the normal social intercourse that has been lacking in their lives, they continue their quest for acceptance, which has not been met by their same-sex relationship, by insisting that all the world condone what they have done by public legislation. And the American Christian conservative public is protesting in great horror at the unnatural relationships which their own ignorance and neglect have fostered. I don’t know about ya’ll but I call this a homemade mess. Now let’s look at the physical aspects of this question.

1. What feels good physically, feels good no matter who is doing it. This fact has added its two cents to the emotional mess of same-sex relationships. There is nothing wrong with sex. That is a fact. So what can be wrong with having sex with anyone, regardless of their gender? Can you answer this one? The several generations of young American men and women who have been deprived of their natural affection compass by our current cultural process are particularly vulnerable here. Most of us emerge into adulthood with both social and sexual needs and since the first is not met in any way, the second has become the slide rule used to determine social value. Not a good idea.

2. Lack of sexual satisfaction is common to both genders in their physical relationships. This is also a fact. Many men have been seduced into homosexual relationships simply because their basic physical needs are not being met by women. What does it say about us as a society that our sons feel they have to go to other men? And what about our daughters? Having to rely on men who have been both emotionally and sexually brutalized during their most sensitive years does not provide them with a reliable adult partner, physically or any other way.

This is because we do not give either gender of our children any advice or training about what should be happening in their bedrooms. Americans tend to be very puritanical about the subject generally. For the life of me, I can’t understand why. The subject certainly requires a sense of modesty, but this guilt ridden, hush-hush, leave your kids to get on as best they can mentality is beyond belief for intelligent beings. Sex is a normal function of life and should be treated as such and yet Americans still purvey this bad, guilty attitude to their children. We need to start imbuing them with the more correct notion that sex in itself is not bad, using other people to wipe your behind sexually, that is bad.

While sexual urges are common to both genders, the motivations for those urges are not the same, at all. For men the urges are predominantly physical, for women they tend to be emotional while in both cases there are elements of both factors. This does not make an easy mix to deal with.

From all the available evidence, neither gender seems to be satisfied with the current arrangement so they have taken to same-sex relationships in an attempt to complete their own needs. This is not working either. Domestic violence and bad emotional breakups are more common in same-sex relationships than they are in heterosexual ones, per couple. The LGBT is not publicizing this fact however. I am writing this in case any of you are thinking that a same-sex lover is going to be your ticket to emotional nirvana. NOT!

I am now going to write a very dirty word. It is a word you do not ever hear anymore, it being so very bad. Tenderness. This word is worse than libido, penis, lust, or even, low be it spoken, desire. It is not a word we allow ourselves to think anymore, let alone speak. Tenderness is supposed to be an integral part of our human emotional experience and it is no longer. It has been replaced by words like “hot.” Someone attractive to the opposite(or same) sex is spoken of as being “hot.” If someone expresses an interest in you, you are being “hit on.” This is intrinsically violent in implication. Our adult sexual needs have been reduced to this on the public level, heat and violence.

Without the natural affection and nurturing of childhood, tenderness has departed from every aspect of our adult lives, not just the sexual aspect. No one has cared for the tenderness of children, there is no allowance made for it in our public educational system. We go into daycare, almost from the moment of birth, into pre-K programs, then into twelve years of grammar and high school. We spend most of our child lives trying to cope with strangers. Is it any wonder that so many are turning to same-sex relationships in an attempt to feel that social bonding that is normal? The method is not going to work, but the motivation is understandable. Sex and affection are not the same thing. How are we going to re-instill this basic fact into such lost children as we have raised?

Alieff Farwell

Read Full Post »